red bull bcone.

the latest bcone was this week.

definitely one of my favorite one-on-one competitions to watch each year. although i was sorely disappointed i had to follow the action via twitter and not the usual live video feed. lame. here's a clip of one of the battles form the night. thesis was who i predicted to win it all. he was the youngest in the competition, but instead, lilou took it for a 2nd time. for those of you who don't know these 2 guys, lilou is the one who starts on the left and thesis is on the right.

i've now seen all of the battles, courtesy of boredmonkee on youtube. thanks! if you don't watch a lot of bboying but like it now n again the red bull bc one is a good place to watch some great battles.

redbullbcone.com

freakonomics.

this is how economics should be taught in school.

real life questions are answered using economic principles. one of the authors has proclaimed to know nothing of conventional economics and says that math was never his strong suit.

Levitt and Dubner touch on some candid questions with answers that go against conventional wisdom. a very thought provoking book that had me questioning many of the so-called beliefs that society accepts as truth.

one of the more thought provoking assertions made is the casual relationship between legalized abortion and the drastic drop in crime america saw in the early 90's. from out of the scores of data plugged in to various regression models come this tidy syllogism; "unwantedness leads to high crime - abortion leads to less unwantedness - abortion leads to less crime"

it doesn't matter what my or your personal beliefs on abortion are - the numbers do not lie. that is the beauty of numbers. HOWEVER, the author makes it quite clear that in no way, shape or form is he condoning abortions as a tool for crime reduction. the purpose of the book is to simply answer questions. and for years there have been many theories put forward about the cause of the steep drop in crime. this theory now seems to be leading the pack.

the book is a must read.

life in-between.

my life is in-between things right now.

being home has me wishing i was either;

a. married

b. back with the crew

or

c. living in some random country by myself starting everything completely over

oh that's right;

a. kinda dropped the ball on the whole marriage thing.

b. moved across the country away from everyone

and

c. finances will not currently permit me to just globe-hop

it's crazy to think that if everything went according to plan i'd be married right now. instead i'm living across the country with no wife and no job.

let me just say i have no bad feelings towards kristin. how could i? things didn't really fall apart because she did anything. actually, quite the opposite- things fell apart because we never took the time to build the right foundation (aka we never did anything). sad. it sucks to look back at things in retrospect and see certain things you can't help but regret. but you cant change the past. what's done is done.

now what?

well, i doubt she will have a hard time finding someone new, she has probably wanted to do that for awhile now. and i wish her all the best. all i ever wanted was for her to be happy and i guess i just wasn't the one to fill that role.

as for me-

well i had a job interview on monday. i'll know the result by friday. looks like i might be joining the professional workforce.

yay.

ok, despite the fact that this all sounds depressing. i am 100% sure i'm supposed to be here right now. i think this will do for me something similar that living in california did for me. this will give me the chance to do my own thing and become the type of person i need to be. that just wasn't happening back in provo. sadly.

so i'm grateful to be here--even though i have absolutely NO idea what's going to happen. i'm just going to take it as it comes and seek the good in it.

family.

we ended up having a lot of family over to grandmas for dinner tonight. grandma got out of the hospital this morning after she rolled the car yesterday. i spent most of the day with her between the ER and her room while we made sure everything was ok. aunt valerie came over as well to help make sure grandma was comfortable. luckily grandma only broke her right arm, although it was a nasty break that dismantled the radius and ulna and sent them in a variety of directions. grandma had surgery last night and we picked her up today. she seems to be doing well and is expected to recover just fine.

this was another one of those "moments" for me. several weeks ago a good friend of mine lost her sister-in-law and unborn niece in a car accident- that was another "moment". these "moments" have led me to think about the current state of my life and the things i value most and the things i should put more emphasis on.

i was a little hesitant to move into grandmas at first, not knowing how it would all work out. what a wonderful experience it has been for me. the home is filled with love and it has been a joy being around them and having an opportunity to serve them where possible. we never really saw much of grandma n grandpa growing up bc we usually lived far away so this has been my opportunity to build a relationship with them. i will miss them very much when i leave, more than i ever thought i would.

since moving in there i have found myself daily looking at the picture on the wall that has the entire family on it. it was taken at a family reunion about 7 years ago. every time i look at that picture i inwardly hope for the opportunity to have that someday. at the same time i am hit with the fear that i might not ever have that.

this is why i am moving. i am moving because there is a small sliver of faith in me that i am clinging to that says-- this move will kick me out of the comfort zone i have basked in and turn me into the individual the Lord needs me to be.

i am not sure what is going to happen when i move. i'm leaving behind the closest opportunity i have had to beginning my own family-- kristin. and some people have told me it's unwise to move and that i'm running away from trying to make things work with her.

i'm not running away.

i'm acting on faith that the Lord knows what is going to happen--that He has my best interest in mind--and that by following the personal guidance i have received from Him that somehow things will work out.

i want to be able to look at my wall 50 years from now and see a picture that says my life has not been a waste.