life in-between.

my life is in-between things right now.

being home has me wishing i was either;

a. married

b. back with the crew

or

c. living in some random country by myself starting everything completely over

oh that's right;

a. kinda dropped the ball on the whole marriage thing.

b. moved across the country away from everyone

and

c. finances will not currently permit me to just globe-hop

it's crazy to think that if everything went according to plan i'd be married right now. instead i'm living across the country with no wife and no job.

let me just say i have no bad feelings towards kristin. how could i? things didn't really fall apart because she did anything. actually, quite the opposite- things fell apart because we never took the time to build the right foundation (aka we never did anything). sad. it sucks to look back at things in retrospect and see certain things you can't help but regret. but you cant change the past. what's done is done.

now what?

well, i doubt she will have a hard time finding someone new, she has probably wanted to do that for awhile now. and i wish her all the best. all i ever wanted was for her to be happy and i guess i just wasn't the one to fill that role.

as for me-

well i had a job interview on monday. i'll know the result by friday. looks like i might be joining the professional workforce.

yay.

ok, despite the fact that this all sounds depressing. i am 100% sure i'm supposed to be here right now. i think this will do for me something similar that living in california did for me. this will give me the chance to do my own thing and become the type of person i need to be. that just wasn't happening back in provo. sadly.

so i'm grateful to be here--even though i have absolutely NO idea what's going to happen. i'm just going to take it as it comes and seek the good in it.