family.

we ended up having a lot of family over to grandmas for dinner tonight. grandma got out of the hospital this morning after she rolled the car yesterday. i spent most of the day with her between the ER and her room while we made sure everything was ok. aunt valerie came over as well to help make sure grandma was comfortable. luckily grandma only broke her right arm, although it was a nasty break that dismantled the radius and ulna and sent them in a variety of directions. grandma had surgery last night and we picked her up today. she seems to be doing well and is expected to recover just fine.

this was another one of those "moments" for me. several weeks ago a good friend of mine lost her sister-in-law and unborn niece in a car accident- that was another "moment". these "moments" have led me to think about the current state of my life and the things i value most and the things i should put more emphasis on.

i was a little hesitant to move into grandmas at first, not knowing how it would all work out. what a wonderful experience it has been for me. the home is filled with love and it has been a joy being around them and having an opportunity to serve them where possible. we never really saw much of grandma n grandpa growing up bc we usually lived far away so this has been my opportunity to build a relationship with them. i will miss them very much when i leave, more than i ever thought i would.

since moving in there i have found myself daily looking at the picture on the wall that has the entire family on it. it was taken at a family reunion about 7 years ago. every time i look at that picture i inwardly hope for the opportunity to have that someday. at the same time i am hit with the fear that i might not ever have that.

this is why i am moving. i am moving because there is a small sliver of faith in me that i am clinging to that says-- this move will kick me out of the comfort zone i have basked in and turn me into the individual the Lord needs me to be.

i am not sure what is going to happen when i move. i'm leaving behind the closest opportunity i have had to beginning my own family-- kristin. and some people have told me it's unwise to move and that i'm running away from trying to make things work with her.

i'm not running away.

i'm acting on faith that the Lord knows what is going to happen--that He has my best interest in mind--and that by following the personal guidance i have received from Him that somehow things will work out.

i want to be able to look at my wall 50 years from now and see a picture that says my life has not been a waste.