2 a.m.

I have 2 external hard drives.

One of them holds tv shows. One of them holds movies.

I am somewhat of a media fiend and as a result fuel the fire with media that others share with me. My love for movies is well known, but get me hooked on a tv show and I won't stop watching until I've seen EVERY episode of EVERY season!

My latest loves?

Friday Night Lights - Riggins is so tight. Lila is SO hot. And I admire the relationship the coach has with his wife.

How I Met Your Mother - I can definitely see some of Ted in me. Barney is legen (wait for it) dary. Marshall and Lily have one of those relationships you can't help but love.

I just finished watching an episode of How I Met Your Mother based on one phrase..... "nothing good happens after 2 am"

I want to strongly disagree with this statement -- but I can't. I mean let's be honest, after 2 am, most of our good judgment has gone right out the window, which leads to some interesting choices being made. Haha. We've all been there.

But seeing as how I get in to work early I don't even stay up late enough to make the bad decisions. And, let's be honest I probably don't need it to be 2 am for me to make some crazy choices.

break.

break (verb) --

to dissolve or annul.

to put an end to.

to remove a part from.

to disable or destroy as if by shattering or crushing.

dictionary.com tells me that these are some common definitions of the word break. As of Wednesday night, "break" takes on a whole new meaning.

break -- state of limbo where you reside when you are not dating, but have not completely ruled out the possibility of dating.

in short, break = SUCK.

Kristin and I are on a break. First time I've ever been on a break before. Although let's be honest I have never really been serious enough with anyone else to get to the "break" stage of a relationship. Well, except maybe Allison in high school. But, that was high school, there aren't many complications and things were smooth sailing there.

The purpose of this break? Neither of us feel like we are as happy as we were when we first started dating. So now we are going to step back, take a breather, and I guess see where we want to go from here.

How do I feel after day one?

Like something is missing. It's interesting that I spent all afternoon with the guys doing all kinds of stuff and had a TON of fun. But-- I felt different. I can't remember the last time I felt a loss like this. Maybe I never have.....

So, now what?

Well, Kristin will date other people. BLEH!

Grandma told me this morning as I ironed my shirt that maybe Kristin left because she already found someone else! Hahaha, thanks for the pick-me-up to start the day! As for me, I'm thinking I might use my new found spare time to do a little personal overhaul. I think I really need to do a better job of being the type of person I want to marry eventually.

life's transitoriness.

I recently finished reading "Man's Search For Meaning", the story of concentration camp survivor Viktor Frankl.

Stories like this help put your own life in perspective. The smaller worries of life seem to not matter anymore and you begin to see the bigger picture.

Frankl was a Professor of Neurology and Psychiatry at the University of Vienna Medical School. It's this background that makes this book quite different from other books also written about experiences in the concentration camps of WWII.

The entire book is filled with observations and analysis of the mentality of the prisoners and the guards. Two pages in this book connected strongly with some thoughts that have bothered me for some time now.

I often look at the kids I teach with envy. I envy the fact that there is still so much ahead of them. Envious of the potential they each have before them. Wrongly I often think my better days are gone and I wax nostalgic over a time long since past.

In short, I find myself acting like this -- "The pessimist resembles a man who observes with fear and sadness that his wall calendar, from which he daily tears a sheet, grows thinner with each passing day."

Thinking like that is DONE.

I have not been living in the past, just perhaps not appreciating the present as much as I should. As a result of this I'll now be trying a new approach to things -- " ... the person who attacks the problems of life actively is like a man who removes each successive leaf from his calendar and files it neatly and carefully away with its predecessors, after first having jotted down a few diary notes on the back. He can reflect with pride and joy on all the richness set down in these notes, on all the life he has already lived to the fullest."

After reading this section of the book I sat down and thought about the life I have lived and how much I have to be grateful for. I have experienced things I never imagined and have been blessed with meaningful friendships that will carry on for years to come. There is no need to look back with envy, but instead with gratitude for a life lived to the fullest.

It has definitely helped me to understand the need to make the most of each day because "at any moment, man must decide , for better or for worse, what will be the monument of his existence."

800 years.

A random conversation at work last week occupied my thoughts and continues on at this moment. One of my coworkers even blogged about it herself and in turn got her roommate to blog about it. So it's obviously necessary for me to write down a couple things.

So what's the topic?

If you could live to be 800, would you do it? And what would you do with that time?

(Several assumptions must be taken into consideration before you answer this; no one can know that you are the worlds oldest individual, no one else can live that same length ie. no 800 year old spouses, you are still susceptible to injury and pain and lastly, you spend the 800 years basically in the "prime" of life around 25 years old)

Based on the aforementioned assumptions my answer would easily be; YES! No second thoughts.

Now what would I do with that time? Here's a small list of activities :

*Live on EVERY continent. (Yes, we are including Antarctica)

*Learn roughly 20 languages (one of those must be the clicking language down in Africa)

I figure with 20 languages you can safely navigate most of the world.

*Start a successful company (I'll sell it off for around 8 figures before moving on)

*Learn about 6 culinary dishes from MOST cultures worldwide so I can hold crazy dinner parties.

*Learn every bboy move possible (maybe even create some)

*Win the Red Bull BC One!

*Own my own dance studio that gives completely FREE lessons to the kids who can't afford the normal studios. (Mine will be better anyways!)

*Win a PGA tour

*Learn to fly

*Live in the Amazon for awhile

*Have sex 283,300 times (thnks for doing the math on that Ashley)

*Visit every temple (both LDS and non-LDS)

*Learn to play the piano so well I get invited to play at Carnegie Hall, NYC

*Become a professional photographer

*Write several books (I actually am hoping to do this within this lifetime)

*Win a gold medal in the Olympics (I'm not too fussed about which sport it's in)

*Have my own clothing line

*Take a trip around the world in a hot air balloon

*Go to the moon to moonwalk

*Build a grip of houses in several areas of need around the world

*Form a non-profit that helps kids in need get an education so that they can succeed and in turn help other kids

*Have a very large family

*Go on a lot of couples missions

*Create the craziest zoo, EVER

*Have a pet tiger (at least until he tries to kill me)

*Star in a Bollywood movie (how could you not want to be in a movie where everyone spontaneously starts dancing)

*Be President of the United States ( this was the ONLY thing I wanted to be my entire youth)

*Get back into playing the french horn and play with the New York Philharmonic

*Conduct an orchestra (after developing "perfect pitch")

*Star in a TV show (preferably a comedy)

*Become so rich that I can end hunger in several countries for a couple centuries

*Become professionally capable in EVERY major dance form (including ballet)

*Spend the ENTIRE 800 years developing meaningful and lasting friendhsips/relationships (out of all of the endless possibilities of things to do, this is the MOST important)

Thinking about all of the things I want to do and then remembering my life is SO short is a sobering thought.

Am I using the time I have been given to the fullest?

saltimbanco.

Saltimbanco-- from the Italian "saltare in banco" which literally means "to jump on a bench" is a colorful masterpiece from the Cirque Du Soleil collection that draws the viewer in with a variety of high-flying and creative pieces.

Saltimbanco is playing at the E-Center here in Salt Lake City till the end of the week. If you have never been to a Cirque Du Soleil show before then you HAVE to go sometime. I was engrossed from the get-go. I have always wanted to go to one of the shows when I visit Vegas but I seem to usually spend my time and money in other places . . . .

Through the course of the night I couldn't help but think of the many hours put in to develop the skill sets that allow these individuals to have the opportunity to do this for a living. Wow. And of course that thought led me to dream about taking my unique skill set with breakdancing and the possibility of integrating that into a show like this.

There are some bboys down in Las Vegas who actually auditioned for Cirque Du Soleil and made it because of the tricks they developed as a bboy. Amazing.

I have to admit that I got that ever-so-common feeling of envy again as I sat there.

Ugh.

Haha. It's ok though. Such is life. The show was amazing and I had a wonderful evening.

$1 to $20....

I met with my uncle and one of his business partners last week.

I tried the product which by the way is an "energy shot". This is the equivalent of the popular brand 5 Hour Energy, that little bottle found on the counters of every major gas station across the nation.

The name of the product? Raging Rhino.

The target market? Hmmm, anyone old enough to think they need more energy to do all of the "crazy" things going on in their life but young enough to have not reached the point where it wouldn't matter how many energy drinks you have it's still going to be a challenge to get up the stairs.

The drink apparently is supposed to be a tropical berry flavor. As far as energy drinks go, it was quite good. Personally I'm more of a fruit juice kind of person, but I'm not opposed to supporting a drink that will help me pay my bills. Haha.

The effects? Well, I actually felt it pretty quick. I'm not sure what exactly is in it, but my mind felt pretty sharp and I had a good practice that night. However, as with most energy drinks, when it's done, I DROP. Same thing here.

Anyways, during this meeting I was encouraged to be more proactive about this $1 to $10,000 challenge. As a result I invested my lone dollar in.......

myself.

I got some studio time over at Center Stage and did a private lesson for one of the kids in my normal class. The kid is 6 and I swear if he keeps practicing he is gonna smoke everybody by the time he is about 14 or so. Jealous? I am. Incredibly jealous.

I better get back on topic before I start lamenting how old I am and how my better days are gone... blah blah blah. So, I turned the $1 into $20. Not so bad, eh?

The real question is? How am I supposed to keep it going. I am open to any suggestions. Anyone have something I can put $20 into that will even net a $1 return? I'd be quite grateful for the advice!

Anyways, the meeting with my uncle and his business partner went well. I'm still a little curious as to when I'm actually going to be making any money. No one has really explained anything yet to me, it's just been a bunch of assignments with no real talk about any kind of compensation. And no I don't count the $1 to $10,000 thing I'm doing -- that seems to be more of a personal challenge with an end that is nowhere in sight at the moment. Haha

But, this is the nature of the "start-up" company. My other company, SchoolTipline, is doing much better now that it has been over a year. Investors and sponsors are locked in our sights and hopefully I'll be getting some health insurance by 2010! So, I like the idea of Raging Rhino, so I know the drill, buckle down and do some serious work and pray that the compensation comes and is worth the effort put in.